Boy, this was The Big Gender Monday Morning. From tomboys to educating boys about sex in a porn saturated world, to no sexual bias in personal pronouns, it was a very interesting read as I got caught up this morning. And, to add a little salt, I also read about a rape victim being publicly humiliated, read with satisfaction that Mitt Romney is despised by single women, and watched this funny video about a couple negotiating honestly and plainly about sex. What to talk about...hmmmmm. Well, the funny video, of course.
A couple are on a date and the night is coming to a close and the two of them honestly discuss what they want from each other and how they see the relationship going. She says she's not really that attracted to him but he's a nice enough guy. He says he thinks she very attractive but not very smart. She says she needs air conditioning in his apartment and a nice present or trip over the course of a short relationship. He says he's not only got air conditioning but a nice apartment and would be happy to buy her an expensive present in return for certain sexual favours. It's funny. It's funny because it's so often true. Whether we like it or not, this is how many relationships play out.
But I am struck, as I am so often, with one question: Where in this equation lives female desire? I see the male desire. We are to assume the man asked the woman out in the first place and though it is not he who initiates the honest part of the discussion, it is he who must invite her up to his apartment first. Pretty old fashioned, huh? Aren't women supposed to be emancipated? To ask a guy out? To initiate sexual contact?
Well, the problem with the video is that it's funny. Not that it shouldn't be, but here's the thing: This video shows a couple talking honestly and it's funny. The only time honesty is funny is when the truth is uncomfortable. The video posits that if we negotiated many short-lived romances honestly, the conversations might sound more like a sex trade negotiations than sweet nothings. It's funny because it's true.
So, it really makes me wonder. Is that what it's really like out there? Is this generation of men growing up believing that if they are always going to have to pay for sex if they want a beautiful (albeit stupid) woman? Is the generation of women coming forward still subduing its own desire for the sake of a nice necklace?
Well, obviously, or I wouldn't be laughing at the video.
Until female desire is accepted as a norm, and women are allowed to own that instead of just a pretty necklace, there will be no hope of gender equality. If, always, the underlying assumption in a short (or long) term relationship is the woman wants stuff and the man wants sex, then not much is really going to change.
Jacqui Burke is
a freelance director, writer, and theatrical teacher living in Toronto,
Ontario, Canada. She is currently directing Wrong for Each Other
for Encore Productions opening
in April, Kidsplay 2012: The Mayan Prediction
opening in June, and The Last Five Years
for TOKL Productions opening in July. She is, also,
serializing The
Pretender, her first novel,
online at http://thepretender-amarcienoelnovel.blogspot.ca/.
She is preparing for two Shakespeare is Boffo! summer camp
sessions for 2012.
Want to contact me?
Jacqui
Burke
Artistic
Director
Jaybird
Productions
talk/text: 647-292-0210
twitter: @jaybird01
skype: Jacquiburkecell, jacqui.burke
www.wordsnimages.com
www.jaybirdproductions.ca
www.shakespeareisboffo.ca
http://jacquiburke.blogspot.ca
http://thepretender-amarcienoelnovel.blogspot.ca/
http://jaybirdproductions.blogspot.ca/
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